23 Polaris Technology

IT WORKED!!! I don't know why I am amazed that just about anything I do on my phone will find it's way out into the cyber world and into the hands of others in 4 nano-seconds. It's just amazing!

Okay, if you don't already have this album then GET IT NOW. No questions asked. Jimmy Eat World - Futures

Specifically the songs Polaris and 23.
It will change your life!!! I know I say that about every song and all music- but it's true! If you let it, music can change your life!

I feel that when I'm old
I'll look at you and know
The world was beautiful
Then you tell me...
You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there
When you go, I'll let you be
But you're killing everything in me
-Polaris

Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets
You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine
-23

I'm in love with music all over again.
LOVELOVELOVE
-C

So I set this whole mobile blogging thing.... Let's see if it works!! :)

Sweet Darlin' Puddin' Pie

Time with my man... Always exciting. He flew out this week to get some things in order for his move. And I documented the whole trip :)

Look at those eyes!

He didn't know I was snappin' away :)

Funny story- Momma kept naggin' me for a 'normal stand up picture'. This one is stand up.... minus normal ;)

During half time of the NBA Finals game we got a free concert!

Didn't get the shot I wanted to here... but I got a better one.

If you have an IPhone, and a passion for photography, get the app "Hipstamatic". I'm in love with it. Obviously!

I was sincerely trying to be normal....

Had pizza at this fabulous place...

Didn't make it for Happy Hour but I'm determined to one day!

I had to make him a map of his 3 main places: my work, Shannon's house, and, of course, the Orange circle :)

Pretty green grass that we laid in and maybe even wrestled in when he threw leaves at me.

My knees got in the picture accidentally, but I loved this large tree we were laying under.

So that is basically it! He was here for 4 days (entirely too short) but in 5 weeks he will be here for good, so I cannot complain!

I start a (somewhat) new job soon! But more on that later... when I get all the juicy details!

I leave for Alabama in one month and I am so excited to see family, friends and babies! I hope everyone is enjoying life and laughing lots.

LOVELOVELOVE

-C

When all else fails...

This morning as I was on my way to work, I was juggling the radio, the A/C, the steering wheel of course and my very full cup of coffee. I managed to make it out of the driveway, out of the neighborhood, over some very bumpy potholes, onto the freeway and all the way to work without spilling coffee one time. Very proud of myself, I made a mental note on how awesome my maneuvering is and a memory came to me: in middle school and high school, when I wasn't with my brother, my Pop would drive me to school in the mornings. Trying our hardest to make it on time, Pop would often juggle a (very full) cup of coffee while driving. Not all that elaborate of a memory, but it made me realize something: I am a lot like my father. It's little quirks like this one that I am proud of. The little things that I do day to day that were influenced by some amazing member of my family. So in a way, this post is dedicated to the 4 most wonderful people in my life.

As for Pop- what to say? In more ways than one, I want to be just like him. He has such an amazing faith in life and all that goes with it. He never wavers. Not once have I seen him question his beliefs. He has always remained strong and has always made sure that my brothers and I were raised in such a way that when we were older, we would know the right way to go, the right things do. When I am in the midst of a tough decision, I can already imagine him saying "Well have you prayed about it?" I aspire to have that kind of faith and I can only pray that one day when I do get married, that my husband will be just like my dad (minus the usual tardiness- Love you dad). I hope I turn out just like him.

When it comes to my mom, other than the fact that we are basically twins, I have learned a lot from her over the years. Mom and I have the same "take charge" personality. We usually won't ask you to do something, because we feel we can do it better ourselves (OCD anyone??) We care more about the general well being of others before our own (not being conceited- it's just the way she is, and if anything I want to inherit from her, it is that quality). We value our friendships like we value our beliefs. My mother is very dependable. I always know that she is there no matter what. If she says she is going to do something- she does it- no questions asked. She has the loudest laugh of anyone I know (besides her sisters, of course) and it has to be the most contagious laugh I have ever witnessed. I hope I turn out just like her (tiny whirlwind and all!)

My oldest brother is amazing. I remember being at his rehearsal dinner for his wedding and one of his best friends got up to say a few nice things about my brother and his wife. He said that my brother has such an amazing spirit of conviction, which is so true. His wife told me once that, when shopping at the grocery store, my brother always takes the buggy (shopping cart, for those not raised in the south) back into the store instead of leaving it outside for someone else to come get. He does not have a mean bone in his body. He has a heart of gold and would do anything for anyone. I hope I turn out just like him.

My middle brother.. what to say. We were best friends growing up. We did everything together- including cutting each others hair with Sunday school scissors and dyeing and bleaching each others hair when we got bored with the color. Every summer we would travel to California and spend weeks with our family and when he started driving, he was forced to take me most anywhere I wanted to go. He has grown a lot of the last few years and has turned into an amazing person. He is incredibly talented at what he does, and has such a passion for life. He has gone through some pretty crappy stuff in his life and has always come out a stronger person. I hope I turn out just like him.

There are things that I could say about the rest of my extended family, but these are the people that I have known since day 1. These are the people that have the most influence in my life; the ones that I know will be there no matter what happens in my life; no matter if I make a bad decision that no one agrees with, I know they will be there come hell or high water. I know that families can get a bit crazy sometimes, but I wouldn't trade mine for the world.

Even though I don't act like it sometimes, I love you guys more than anything. You are all my rock. Thank you for never wavering and for being the amazing people that God knew I needed in my life. And most of all, thank you for loving me no matter what.

LOVELOVELOVE,
-C

Roses and Cigarettes

You could run and hide
in the street outside
If you get caught in the rain
just cover what you can
and the rest it washes out like a blood stain


If you get caught in the fire
just think about what made
your heart cry out
for a little fire at all.
-Copeland

So where has all the day gone?
And why are my lungs aching when I breathe?
Is there something wrong with the heat?
Why am I so cold?
And my heart feels sick
And it hurts when I speak
And this is not what I hoped for
-City and Colour


If I told you I thought that there was a sin in your heart
Could you honestly tell me I’m wrong
Oh roses and cigarettes
Pillowcase that remembers you
the scent of you still lingers on my fingertips
Till I think I might go insane
When will I see you again
-Ray Lamontagne


When it's always on your mind
But you never speak of the name
Its in your blood
and your face
And I'm certain its fame
So I'll stay out in the car
Cause the weather had gotten to me
but its really these road signs and freeways that
I can't take
-Lydia

They tell me that you hold the world together
Not from guilt, but pleasure
And you somehow know my name...
So tell me there's nothing that you can't do
And you'll love me though I've hurt you
And that you'll take my blame
And your love will never change
-Dave Barnes


Every morning when I open my Internet Explorer, my home page greets me with a daily devotion of sorts. This morning was about forgiveness. May not mean much to you, but it was like a slap in the face for me (in a good way, of course). What is it about this forgiveness thing? Why is everyone preaching forgiveness? This is what my daily devotion screamed at me from my computer screen this morning:

Forgive
Through forgiveness, I am free to live a full and joyful life.
If in the course of my day I accumulate resentments, it is like picking up rocks and putting them in my pocket. If I collect the rocks and hold on to them day after day, month after month, I feel the burden grow. When I refuse to let resentments go, I am weighed down by the hurt and anger I carry.
Forgiveness means looking beyond behaviors. Without condoning hurtful actions, I accept that each of us is doing the best we can in that moment. The truth is that we are all children of God and nothing can diminish or change that. As I release the belief that I can lose my good or lose my power, I let go of the negativity weighing me down and I forgive. Freed of resentment, I am ready to love others, to laugh and to live joyfully.
Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone.--Mark 11:25

I think I'm safer in an airplane, than a world without love.

-Copeland

Forgiveness is a funny thing. It truly is. I know that I have done blog posts on forgiveness in the past, and I will try not to say some of the same things that I've said before. Forgiveness is something I struggle with, though it may be hard to tell.

I've been told that I trust people too easily and too quickly. Never before have I thought this was a bad thing. I have this subconscious that tells me that everyone is good.

Carl Rogers, who is considered one of the fathers of the humanistic approach to psychology, had this belief that all people were born innately "good". I don't consider myself a humanist, I guess I just had more faith in the human race than I should have.

So here is my question: what do you do when someone does the unforgivable? What do you do when the last person you ever thought could hurt you, does just that? Half of you wants to forgive and the other half wants to say "get lost, I'm done with you".

If anything in my life makes sense at all, it is love. I love with everything that is in me, and sometimes it gets me into trouble, but more often that not, it brings these wonderful relationships into my life that I can't fathom living another day without. But sometimes, I have a tendency to love too much. Didn't think that was possible, huh? Who knows if it is, or isn't. My point is, I try to love as Christ loved. Unconditionally. However, I am only human and it is impossible for me to love unconditionally. I wish it were possible, but it simply is not. So I do the best I can: I love, I let myself be loved and I forgive in the process.

But now, I am at a crossroads. One side is filled with bright flowers and singing birds and it's telling me to be like Christ and forgive. Daniel 9:9 says "The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him" That is one side of the crossroads. Forgiving those that have done even the unforgivable.

The other side is a little darker and a little scarier looking, but it's saying that sometimes, people hurt you and those are the kinds of people you should not surround yourself with because it will only lead to destruction for yourself. Personally, I have never taken this road. And I mean that in the least conceited way possible. I just don't like to hold grudges. I want everyone to be happy and love each other and get along. I have to check myself everyday and make sure that I am not upset with anyone about anything and that I hold no ill will against anyone for wrongs that they have done to me.

I got to a point over the last year where I forgave Justin for breaking my heart. It was a difficult thing to do, but I did it. It took a long time, but in the long run, I did it because it's what GOD told me to do. And if there is one person, or being, in this world that I trust more than life itself, it's Him.

And so here I stand at this crossroads. Trying to decide whether I should walk slowly down one road, or put on my tennis shoes and take off running in the other direction. Tough decisions are not my forte... I tend to freak out and get someone else to make the decision for me. But I guess it's all a part of being an ADULT. Which is such an unattractive word if you think about it.

LOVELOVELOVE

-C