Roses and Cigarettes

You could run and hide
in the street outside
If you get caught in the rain
just cover what you can
and the rest it washes out like a blood stain


If you get caught in the fire
just think about what made
your heart cry out
for a little fire at all.
-Copeland

So where has all the day gone?
And why are my lungs aching when I breathe?
Is there something wrong with the heat?
Why am I so cold?
And my heart feels sick
And it hurts when I speak
And this is not what I hoped for
-City and Colour


If I told you I thought that there was a sin in your heart
Could you honestly tell me I’m wrong
Oh roses and cigarettes
Pillowcase that remembers you
the scent of you still lingers on my fingertips
Till I think I might go insane
When will I see you again
-Ray Lamontagne


When it's always on your mind
But you never speak of the name
Its in your blood
and your face
And I'm certain its fame
So I'll stay out in the car
Cause the weather had gotten to me
but its really these road signs and freeways that
I can't take
-Lydia

They tell me that you hold the world together
Not from guilt, but pleasure
And you somehow know my name...
So tell me there's nothing that you can't do
And you'll love me though I've hurt you
And that you'll take my blame
And your love will never change
-Dave Barnes


Every morning when I open my Internet Explorer, my home page greets me with a daily devotion of sorts. This morning was about forgiveness. May not mean much to you, but it was like a slap in the face for me (in a good way, of course). What is it about this forgiveness thing? Why is everyone preaching forgiveness? This is what my daily devotion screamed at me from my computer screen this morning:

Forgive
Through forgiveness, I am free to live a full and joyful life.
If in the course of my day I accumulate resentments, it is like picking up rocks and putting them in my pocket. If I collect the rocks and hold on to them day after day, month after month, I feel the burden grow. When I refuse to let resentments go, I am weighed down by the hurt and anger I carry.
Forgiveness means looking beyond behaviors. Without condoning hurtful actions, I accept that each of us is doing the best we can in that moment. The truth is that we are all children of God and nothing can diminish or change that. As I release the belief that I can lose my good or lose my power, I let go of the negativity weighing me down and I forgive. Freed of resentment, I am ready to love others, to laugh and to live joyfully.
Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone.--Mark 11:25

I think I'm safer in an airplane, than a world without love.

-Copeland

Forgiveness is a funny thing. It truly is. I know that I have done blog posts on forgiveness in the past, and I will try not to say some of the same things that I've said before. Forgiveness is something I struggle with, though it may be hard to tell.

I've been told that I trust people too easily and too quickly. Never before have I thought this was a bad thing. I have this subconscious that tells me that everyone is good.

Carl Rogers, who is considered one of the fathers of the humanistic approach to psychology, had this belief that all people were born innately "good". I don't consider myself a humanist, I guess I just had more faith in the human race than I should have.

So here is my question: what do you do when someone does the unforgivable? What do you do when the last person you ever thought could hurt you, does just that? Half of you wants to forgive and the other half wants to say "get lost, I'm done with you".

If anything in my life makes sense at all, it is love. I love with everything that is in me, and sometimes it gets me into trouble, but more often that not, it brings these wonderful relationships into my life that I can't fathom living another day without. But sometimes, I have a tendency to love too much. Didn't think that was possible, huh? Who knows if it is, or isn't. My point is, I try to love as Christ loved. Unconditionally. However, I am only human and it is impossible for me to love unconditionally. I wish it were possible, but it simply is not. So I do the best I can: I love, I let myself be loved and I forgive in the process.

But now, I am at a crossroads. One side is filled with bright flowers and singing birds and it's telling me to be like Christ and forgive. Daniel 9:9 says "The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him" That is one side of the crossroads. Forgiving those that have done even the unforgivable.

The other side is a little darker and a little scarier looking, but it's saying that sometimes, people hurt you and those are the kinds of people you should not surround yourself with because it will only lead to destruction for yourself. Personally, I have never taken this road. And I mean that in the least conceited way possible. I just don't like to hold grudges. I want everyone to be happy and love each other and get along. I have to check myself everyday and make sure that I am not upset with anyone about anything and that I hold no ill will against anyone for wrongs that they have done to me.

I got to a point over the last year where I forgave Justin for breaking my heart. It was a difficult thing to do, but I did it. It took a long time, but in the long run, I did it because it's what GOD told me to do. And if there is one person, or being, in this world that I trust more than life itself, it's Him.

And so here I stand at this crossroads. Trying to decide whether I should walk slowly down one road, or put on my tennis shoes and take off running in the other direction. Tough decisions are not my forte... I tend to freak out and get someone else to make the decision for me. But I guess it's all a part of being an ADULT. Which is such an unattractive word if you think about it.

LOVELOVELOVE

-C