Everything is dark.
It’s more than you can take.
But you catch a glimpse of sun light.
Shinin', down on your face.
Oh you’re in my veins
And I cannot get you out
Oh you’re all I taste
At night inside of my mouth
Oh you run away
Cause I am not what you found
Oh you’re in my veins
And I cannot get you out.
-Andrew Belle, In My Veins
Starting a blog is intimidating. Every time I sit here to write, I get really intimidated. By what exactly, I am not sure. Fear that my words won't come out right; fear that I won't get my point across- because I am far too talented at rambling; fear that I'll say something wrong, or not in the way that I mean it; or fear that my words won't mean anything. But they always do to me.
It's cold and rainy here today. Just the kind of day I have been waiting for. All I hear on work mornings are "Good morning! Gross day, huh?" And all I ever respond with is "If it were sunny, we'd all want to be at the beach. At least this way we can get some work done." I think some people find it extremely irritating that I can be positive on a cold and rainy day. But I can't seem to help that fact that it reminds me of home. Never thought you would hear me say something good about Alabama, huh? Well, it doesn't happen often, so soak it up.
I have lived in California for almost a full year and I have come to the realization that I am A.D.D. I mean this in the most un-medical way possible (does that make sense?) What I mean is, I was never diagnosed with A.D.D. as a child (my mother may beg to differ) but since moving here, I have realized that with most things that I do in life, with most things that I experience, I get bored too quickly and move on to the next fun thing I can get my hands on. I don't consider this a terrible thing at 22. I guess it's just what the world likes to call "figuring out who you are". Although, not entirely, because I know who I AM, I just want to further my understanding of how to use what I AM in my everyday life. That's a bit trickier.
There are some days when I sit and think of all the good things in my life, and suddenly I am on cloud nine. Some times, I will admit that I get caught up thinking about what I don't have, what I want, what other people have that I envy. This is the part where I throw a shout out to 2 amazing parents for making me sit through boring Sunday school to learn lessons like "Don't envy" "Don't be jealous of your friend because she has the newest, coolest toy and you don't"... things like that.
For the last 22 years, I have been learning patience. And I say the last 22 years because, well, I haven't quite gotten the hang of it. When I get an idea in my head, I have to run with it right then or 3 things could happen: 1) I forget about it the next day; 2) I lose passion for the idea and end up getting mad at myself down the road for not sticking with it, and 3) I fear it won't work out if I don't jump on the opportunity then. But it's taken me a while to realize that sometimes, good things come to those who WAIT. Good lord, waiting is not my forté.
There was this song that me and my brothers loved when we were younger and I don't remember much, but the chorus I remember like it's etched into my brain. HURRY UP AND WAIT. I feel like I do that a lot. Life is like a waiting game sometimes. you just wait... and wait....... and wait................. And sometimes it's really worth it, and other times it's not. But more often than not, the good things come to those who learn to just WAIT.
I guess I say all of that to say: WAIT. don't go through life too quickly. Don't get too A.D.D. with life. Enjoy what you are doing RIGHT NOW, for you may very well not be doing it tomorrow. Make the most of this situation you are in right now, no matter how tough it seems. Things are going to happen in life that aren't fair and you may find yourself saying "God, why me? What next God?" But things in life only last for a season, then before you know it, you are on the other end of it. I'll be honest and say that I have asked God those questions. Why do you hate me? Why are you putting me through this? Did I do something terribly wrong to deserve all of this?
I guess this is where faith comes in.
I learned that instead of saying 'Why me?', 'what next?' that I should just wait. I should wait and say 'Okay God, I know that what is happening is happening for a reason, and I may be a little unclear on that reason right now, so I am just going to wait until you do some magical fireworks to show it to me.' Boy, is that a hard pill to swallow. My impatient self wants to say WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AND WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THAT MY FUTURE PLANS WERE GOING TO DRASTICALLY CHANGE WITHIN A MATTER OF MINUTES??? But I have learned that that type of reaction will end with my medicine cabinet turned inside out looking for more Excedrin.
So I guess what I am trying to say is, just wait. Good things will come to you, but for now, just wait. Just love your life at the current moment. Love the people you surround yourself with. Love the parties you go to and the time you spend with your family. Love like you're getting paid Bill Gates' salary. I promise you, you won't regret it.
LOVELOVELOVE
-C
No comments:
Post a Comment