I've got my memories
Always inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
I believe now
I've come too far
No I can't go back
Back to how it was
Created for a place I've never known
This is home
Now I'm finally Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home
Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back
Back to how it was
And I got my heart Set on What happens next
I got my eyes wide It's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone
Yeah
And now after all My searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see The sunset
I'm gonna call it home
Home
I've come too far
And I won't go back
Yeah, this is home
This is the Switchfoot song I was talking about a few posts ago.... It is from the Prince Caspian soundtrack. It's my state of mind right now. You guys know that I am happy with where I am and with the decision I have made over the last couple of months.... Sometimes I hate capitalizing things because i normally never do and I just want to be real cause you guys know the real me. so maybe there will be no more capitalizing on this post.
the whole time i have been out here, i havent really wanted to visit home other than to see my family... but i knew they would always be there, so i knew i didnt need to worry about that. talking to my freind kayla last night and for the first time in a month and a half, i genuinly missed mobile. not mobile like i left it, but the old mobile. the cold mobile where i would spend my nights at the 473 wrapped in blankets and just staring at the bonfire. the loud mobile where i would go to shows with kayla and we would dance all night with our friends.... the mobile that loved the christmas decorations that kayla and i put all over the 473. the fun dance parties we went to... the shows at the saenger theatre, greekfest, the artwalk, the lake that holli and i would sit at for hours and figure out our lives at, the trips to the beach in the winter, the many different starbucks where i learned so many life lessons and made so many friends, going to bellingrath gardens with a group of friends and fooling around the whole time....
i wish i could go on and on... the point is.. things have changed. things are different now. friends moved away and new friends came into play, babies were born and some older people have passed.... but its still my life. this is still me. all of these very different things are all happening to me... just one person. its so crazy how one person can go through so many things in life. and i dont mean only bad things.. great things too. and the thing is, we were made to be able to experience these things.... we were made to be strong at times and weak at other times. its the way our body works. no one can deal with it all. i thought maybe i could handle it... the ups and downs... the joys and sorrows... the breaking of hearts and the mending back together. bottom line.. i cant. and im so glad i have help with that.
life throws these massive curveballs at you sometimes, and you learn to live with them. most of you know me personally, and no i am not talking about my own life experiences as of late.... maybe i am. but more so about something else. the strongest people i know are the ones who have said "no i am not going to let this tear me down... im not going to let one little upset in life ruin who i am." those are strongest people i know. and i try so hard everyday to learn from these people. i want to be just like that. strong and independant and confident in who i am. i am almost there i think. i have learned a lot here recently.
thank God for life experiences. where would i be without them?
"Well I looked my demons in the eye, laid bare my chest and said 'do your best to destroy me'. See I've been to hell and back so many times, I must admit you kinda bore me"
-Ray LaMontagne
I still take my coffee with a little cold soy and 2 raw sugars.
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