My First Confession

I wonder how logical and realistic people deal with heartbreak. I'm so emotional and so influenced by gut feeling that I have never known what it's like to be logical and realistic. Do they just chock it up to life experience and keep on moving? What do they do? I imagine those people being the complete opposite of me. Which means closed off, careful with who they trust, thinks everything through before making a decision, quiet, reserved.... Basically everything I am not.

Why the hell does it still hurt so bad? It's been 3 months and I have formed an entirely new life for myself. Why does it still hurt? I am so happy and so new to all things California, but sometimes Alabama just sneaks back in. Just for the hell of it. Just to remind me that it's still a nasty little thorn sticking in my side that probably wont ever leave me alone.

I share with you my life, my feelings, my thoughts... But do you really know what is going on? Probably not... Because I don't even know what's really going on. I've got 3 people in my life right now that know how I feel without me having to even say it. Had a heart to heart with Holli Denham last night and I have to say... I would die without that girl. Would absolutely die. I am convinced she and I are the same person. Always will be.

Kayla's life is changing fast.. I am trying to keep up. That girl has a big chunk of my heart. As does Holli.

I've got somewhat of a new addition in my life. I'm learning that he is one of the strongest people I know. I'm learning that heartbreak comes in many shapes and sizes. And I learned the other night that he knew how I was feeling even before I knew how I was feeling. He is in my life for a reason.. I'm just waiting to see what that reason is.

***These are the hands of a girl who feels something unnamed waiting inside to get out, something bigger than she can hold. A girl who keeps hearing in her head that she might be asked to do something great in the world someday. A girl who has a deep desire to use her hands to help other people, but can't see how that would ever happen.***

I can't seem to describe myself in any other way. I just want to HELP. I just want to LOVE. I just want to be there for someone like so many people have been there for me. Most of all, I just want to CHANGE THE WORLD.

The worst thing you could ever break in your body is your heart.

.....So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change the situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservationalism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure.....

-Christopher Johnson McCandles "Into The Wild"

I hope you read this while listening to a life changing song so it will inspire you to do something that changes the world.